Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
