i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
