yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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