oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
