my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
