Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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