woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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