My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
