Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
