no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
