My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Best friends brother. Beat that.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
