I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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