Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
