NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
