Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
