at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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