Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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