Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
