Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
