someone threw a dead crab at me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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