and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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