There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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