Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Randomize
