Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
