dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
