Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
