Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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