his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
