At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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