im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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