she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
