you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
