why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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