mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
