tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
you inspire me to be a worse person
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
