Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
