you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
