for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
