Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
