She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
