I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
