Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This baby is an asshole
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
