He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
