This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
