I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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