I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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