is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
