Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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