Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
