whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
