It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
