He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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