with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
pray to the hookup gods
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
